The Girl
My name is Alexis and I am a twenty one year old female originally from Gary, IN but I currenly live at Purdue Univeristy!! (Go Boilers!)
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Jay - Z - Soon You'll Understand
...written on Thursday, Feb. 17, 2005, @ 12:37 AM
I've been trying to be paitent for a long time now with KT but I just don't think that I can continue to hold on any longer by one piece of thread. I've tried for so long to be able to deal with him and his ways; his commitment to the streets and all of that other stuff but the fact of the matter is-is that I can't hurt myself anymore. I'm starting to beat my own self up for trying to dedicate my heart to him and he doesn't even want it. At times, I've tried to convince myself that I can't even be mad because he's told me that he's not ready and that he's not wanting to have a commitment but damn, where is he when I need somebody to hold me down? I can't do this anymore, this lopsided, one way relationship. All this time, I've been telling myself one day he'd wake up and appreciate me and all of the things that I do-do for him but it's times like last night when he calls me at 1:45 AM cussing me out for something that I've done and being mad for no reason at all.
It ain't like, I ain't tell you from day one, I ain't shit
When it comes to relationships, I don't have the patience
Now it's too late, we got a little life together
and in my mind I really want you to be my wife forever
But in the physical it's like I'ma be trife forever
A different girl every night forever; told you to leave
but you're stubborn and you love him and,
no matter what despite all the fuckin and the cheatin,
you still won't leave him, now you're grievin
And I feel bad, believe me
But I'm young and I ain't ready, and this ain't easy
Wasn't fair to tell you to wait, so I told you to skate
You chose not to, now look at the shit we gotta go through
Doin a fight, throw in a fuss, you the mother of my baby
I don't want you to hate me, this is about us
Rather me; I ain't ready to be what you want me to be
Because I love you, I want you to leave, please
A face of stone, was shocked on the other end of the phone
Word back home is that you had a special friend
So what was oh so special then?
You have given away without gettin at me
That's your fault, how many times you forgiven me?
How was I to know that you was plain sick of me?
I know the way a nigga livin was whack
But you don't get a nigga back like that!
Shit I'm a man with pride, you don't do shit like that
You don't just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that
You don't throw away what we had, just like that
I was just fuckin them girls, I was gon' get right back
They say you can't turn a bad girl good
But once a good girl's goin bad, she's gone forever..
I'll mourn forever
Shit I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever
In the game of love, you'll reep what you sow, I love you in all but now, I must go. Peace
(Of course, I am about to cry) :-(
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