The Girl
My name is Alexis and I am a twenty one year old female originally from Gary, IN but I currenly live at Purdue Univeristy!! (Go Boilers!)
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Michel'le - Something In My Heart
...written on Friday, Jan. 07, 2005, @ 11:18 PM
It's been exactly two days... I still can't believe it.
I haven't called him and he hasn't called me. As far as I am concerned there really isn't anything TO discuss. If KT can't talk about what I'm talking about then what is the point of even talking? We're just bumping heads. Everything has always got to be his way and he doesn't want to compromise with me. Like I told him, things ain't just about you anymore, it's about us and how we feel about each other. It's been damn near a year and yes, you do owe me more than your crusty ass friendship that you half give me now. Don't get me wrong, I love KT a lot, but it's just not going to work with out us progressing to something more because after a while that's what people do. With time, people grow together and establish feelings for one another. You can't be doing things with me (normally, what couples do) and not expect for me to wonder when things are going to be official. He's always crying about what his heart can't handle, but what about my heart? What about all the things my heart has had to endure for the past year? I even had to ask him had he even thought about how I feel when I have to say goodbye and leave him behind and how do I feel when I hear his voice on the phone telling me how much he misses me and can't wait to see me again. It's just like leaving a child behind to me. He's telling me that he can't have a long distance relationship but even when I am in the city limits I still feel long distance because he barely has time for me. His excuse is, "I'm only fucking with you and you see I barely have time for you"... but I bare to differ. You make time for those that you want to make time for. I sacrafice everything to go to be with him, but I see that he's not on that same level with me. After a while, he started to assume that I was calling him selfish and declared that he does think about me and my feelings that's why he's telling me that he can't be with me right now and that's not what he's ready for but if he is being so 'considerate' of my feelings then he would REALLY not have got off the phone with me in the way he did, nor would he not have called me by now to apologize for acting the ass that he was. All I wanted to know was, if you're not fucking nobody else, and you're not talking to anyone else then what's wrong with you trying to make things official with me? After all, you DO have feelings for me because I can see it in your eyes. I watched them grow and can see them vividly; I'm not that girl who has hurt you before in the past. I'm my own person KT, I deserve a chance. Everyone has had their feelings hurt before; you won't be the first or the last. But, if I have put myself together after being in a world of pain before and am willing to risk it all to be with you and to give you a chance, then obviously, you must mean something to me. By you telling me no right off the back is telling me you don't give a fuck about me, no wait... basically, you ARE just saying FUCK ME so now it's time to say FUCK YOU.
:-( I never thought I'd be saying that!
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