The Girl
My name is Alexis and I am a twenty one year old female originally from Gary, IN but I currenly live at Purdue Univeristy!! (Go Boilers!)
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Lyfe - Cry [Part II]
...written on Monday, Dec. 06, 2004, @ 8:46 PM
I'm hurting deeply inside, inside and out. I'm hurting because I'm suffering and I for so long had refused to succumb to the madness but now, I simply fucking surrender. I'm tired of barely getting by and I'm the one that's trying to do the right shit in life. I might as well be like KT and them and hustle my way through life because even with the education on my resume, guess what? I still can't get a fucking job. I'm going to school to get a better job and I still can't get a fucking high school job. I'm putting applications into places that are definitely against my religion - fast food - and I'm still not getting a damn job!! The man at the Buckle said that they had already filled the position and that he didn't need me but today I was on the malls website and they said that they were still looking! I said yeah, aiight with his racist ass and he can't say that he's not because I was the brownest thing I've ever seen up in there next to colors on shirts and jeans. Then, I finally got my new cell phone in the mail today and I called around to ask some people could they be so kind enough to donate anywhere from $5-$25 towards the cause of getting my phone cut back on so that I can see if I'll have some job interviews back at home and nobody could give me the money. I'm like what the fuck? My credit wouldn't be fucked up if it wasn't for me helping YOU and YOU can't give me five or ten dollars and acting like the face of a twenty dollar bill has now turned into the face of a Benjamin! What the fuck is twenty-dollars going to do for a person that got needs? I'm out of everything. I have one fucking bar of soap left, I'm out of greese, running out of food, and anything else that I can fucking think of. Has anybody asked me if there was anything that I needed? NO! Has anybody sent me any fucking money just for support because they know I'm in school and I'm trying to do the right thing -childless- and not strung out on no drugs or anything? NO! Nobody gives a fuck a bout me, and no matter how much they say they care, it's only two people who really give a fuck about how Alexis is doing and that's my grandparents. Even when they don't have have it to give, they do. My Grandmother sat aside a twenty dollar bill out of her last check and SAVED it for me until I came home to vote. She said she only had four dollars left, but she wanted to give that to me. Now that's fucking love. Then, when I got out of the car, my grandfather gave me another ten dollars. Then, he tells me that he's trying to save up to buy me a car but things are so hard right now by them having a new car note and now with having a new car, they have to make more money for insurance. Yeah, I cry! I cry a fucking lot. I cry from frustration, I cry from pressure, I cry from relief, I cry from blessings.
Cry
I done had money
I done been broke
I done been talked about something awful
Done been lied on by so many folks
I done even been depressed at times
and didn’t wanna cry cause my pride was too strong
But over the years I thought it over
And after struggling for so long and still holding on
I figured, can’t be nothing all that wrong with crying
If anybody says that they’re that strong they’re lying
See crying is like taking your soul to the Laundromat
It’s like the feeling that you get
when you see your Grand-mama smile
Or the heavens open up and blessing rain down
Go on child and cry
....
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